Struggles...

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself today and I hate that...because that's not who I am AT ALL! However, as I struggle to get this new diet/exercise program off on the right foot (or any foot at all), that is exactly what I am doing...struggling. I struggled my way through the aisles at the grocery store today...struggled past the ice cream and right over to the chips. Then, I decided since I had won the battle over the ice cream, it would be ok to buy the store brand turtle cheesecake...just two very small slices. And...since I hadn't had my coffee yet for the day, and it was already 12:00pm, that would be a nice snack when I got home. Coffee with one slice of turtle cheesecake. Except it ended up being both slices of turtle cheesecake. So, now it's gone and I can start over again. I did also buy the lime tortilla chips (yum) with some nacho cheese, but opted to just have a few chips along with my sandwich for lunch.

Not sure if I even have a point to this post...just that I'm really struggling. As my life crumbles before my very eyes, with things still so up and down with my husband and no resolution or anything close to it in sight...I just want to turn to food and I am fighting against my flesh every second of every day. I do know that if I can win these battles right now I am sure to win the war. So, with God in my corner...I'm heading back to the battlefield.

How do all of you handle the struggles, big or little ones? Mine are mostly big right now and I'm still trying to grasp hold of the fact that they are my struggles, this all still seems a bit surreal to me.

May God bless you all!

Trudy

Journey from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans - Whatcha Eatin?

It is Thursday and that means it's time for Journey from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans, over at Shortmama's place! Today, she wants to know what we've been eating....so here goes.

Things have been so erratic for me lately as I am battling some pretty big giants right now in my life. My husband has decided that he is not happy in our marriage and has been up and down and all over the place, leaving me just positively reeling. And running for the comfort foods. Chocolate, ice cream, soda, etc...in plenty. When I actually do sit down and have a meal, it is a good and healthy one, I just haven't made the time or effort to do that much lately. I did have a couple of frozen waffles for breakfast today and am planning soup and a sandwich for lunch, along with some carrots and an apple. I am also planning to make a nice dinner tonight...with a BIG glass of wine, to be sure!

I plan to just take things one day at a time and try to eat the best I can. I can't even think about starting to exercise yet...it's enough to just get through each day without feeling like I've gained 5 pounds.

Looking forward to seeing what is hitting everyone else's plates!

God bless,
Trudy

It's Monday Again!

I'll start on Monday. How many times in my life have I uttered those words? I think they are the most ridiculous, preposterous, asinine words I have ever spoken. What is so magical about Monday anyway? If only I had a lifetime of Mondays left...perhaps I would succeed?

Confession...my #1 detriment to permanent weight loss success is my total, complete and utter lack of will power. Well, that and...

I love food, especially sweets and chocolate.
I hate exercise, unless I don't know that I'm exercising.
It's soon to be winter in MN, food is even more of a comfort when it's too cold to be outside.

It's time for me to decide that I am worth it. I am worth the effort that needs to go into this plan. I am worth more than the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup or the piece of apple pie or the ice cream.
I am worth everything God says I'm worth and this time I'm going to make sure I realize that He is my biggest fan.

When I don't want to walk...I will remember this:
Isaiah 40:31: "Those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."

When I am feeling hungry for absolutely no reason...I will remember this:
Psalm 107:9: "For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good."

and this:
Romans 14:17: "...for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."

And when I want to give up and throw in the towel AGAIN...I will remember this:

"Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit ... therefore, glorify God in your body." ~ I Corinth 3:16; 6:19-20

I can't very well continue to tell God I am here to glorify Him in everything I do and honor Him with my life when I am destroying His temple.

So...once again, here I go in search of More of Him and Less of me!

God bless you all my friends!

I'm Back!

How interesting...I didn't even know that this blog was still around. I stumbled across it this morning in error. Except I don't believe this was an error...I think it was divine intervention! It has been over two years since I started it and a lot has happened to be sure. This little guy, for one:

However, I am glad that I did because now this can be my weight loss blog! I am ready to get serious about things again. Benjamin is 4 1/2 months old now and I am still nursing, but not exclusively. I hope to be able to get back to full-time nursing/pumping and get rid of the formula, but I'm not sure what my body will do just yet.

In any case, I'm glad I came across this blog today...I don't have to start a new one now! Thanks God, I think you're already in my corner on this one!

Will Power

I realized with absolutely certainty and an equal amount of shame, that I have a very long road ahead of me on this weight loss journey.  Thankfully, I will be following Christ this time and I know through Him, all things are possible.  The other night, my husband and I had a few errands to run and I said something to him about buying me an ice cream cone later.  At one point we were both talking about how we really want to lose weight and he surmised that we should skip the ice cream then.  I wasn't feeling 100% and was also feeling very warm and so as he was walking away, I whined (rather loudly) "But I'm hot"...as if I was actually expecting him to turn around and say that we should go get it right away then.  He gave in and asked me where I wanted to get the ice cream as we were leaving and I told him that I didn't want it.  He was feeling bad thinking that he had been too hard on me but I really didn't want to get any because I realized just how pathetic I was and how right he was about me not needing it.  Thankfully, he had more will power than I did at the right time.  As it continued to sink in how horribly pathetic I had acted, I started to really feel sorry for myself and I was angry that it was so difficult for me to give up the foods that I crave so often.  I got home and was talking with God, asking Him to help me find the strength and will power that I will surely need on this weight loss walk with Him and I started crying because I just felt so weak!  Then, I realized I had reached an all new level of pathetic so I listened to Him and got up to hit the treadmill.  Afterward, I felt 100 times better and was so thankful I had chosen the treadmill over the ice cream.  So, I owe this one to my husband and the man upstairs!

It's day one!

Are you ready God...here we go!  I have a mission for the coming year...I'm sure there will end up being more than one as I go through it, but my #1 mission is to lose 100 lbs...with the help and support of my Savior!  I have been up and down with my weight many times over the years and as the story goes, I always end up gaining more than what I lost.  I actually need to lose more like 120 lbs, but we'll start with 100 and see where we can go from there.  I just started to realize that God gave me my body and like everything else, He has entrusted it to me while I am here on this Earth.  It's really His though, like everything else...so I need to start treating it as such.  As Jesus tells the Pharisees in Matthew 23:26 "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside...and then the outside will also be clean".  I think the reason I have failed so many times is that I just haven't been going about it the right way...I have been focused on the outer me rather than the inner me.  It's just time...beyond time and today was day one...it could have been better since I didn't get any exercise in...but the diet part was good.

Help me Jesus...I'm lost without you!